I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon’s office today. I was looking forward to this because based on the daily drainage amounts that Paul has been logging, we thought for sure that they would take out the tubes. They did not. Paul and I thought that if the drainage tubes were each putting out less than 25 cc of fluid in a 24 hour time frame, then they would be removed. What was explained today is that the 25 cc is a combo of the two drainage tubes I have. I hate these! They are a nuisance, cause me pain and discomfort daily and when Paul goes to empty them, I want to puke. I have been moving around the house trying not to spend the entire day on the couch. I’ve been doing the physical therapy exercises that were prescribed. Apparently, though if I want the tubes removed sooner than later, then I must rest. So today, I sat on the couch and got an overdose of “reality tv”. I have books and magazines galore but am not in the mood to read them.
I have shed a lot of tears the past few days. I must sleep in a near sitting position and dread going to bed because I can’t get comfortable. This will go on until the drainage tubes come out. We’ve purchased additional pillows, back rest, etc. but I find myself waking frequently because my body wants to move/shift position.
I have not been able to shower since surgery. I stink. And the incisions under my armpits where they took the lymph nodes have not been quite ready for a good scrubbing or a shave. The doctor this morning told me that she would make an exception and would allow a quick shower. With that, she placed large tegaderm bandages over the drainage tube sites which have caused more discomfort all day. The drainage tubes are located at the bottom of my rib cage on both sides of my body.
I don’t want to leave the house, even to have my hair washed and styled because I hate the way I look. I am grateful to my stylist for taking great care yesterday to wash and dry my hair and it did feel good to have this done.
I have viewed myself and hate how mutilated I look. I hate the button down men’s shirts that I wear so that the tubes are hidden and not getting caught on things like kitchen drawer knobs – yes, that happened and it was painful. Thankfully I did not pull the tube out. I want to look like I used to in clothing. I am impatient with the process and want this to go a lot faster. I know that I must have faith that this will have a good outcome but right now I am so frustrated and angry.